Hello one and all.
It’s been awhile since I got one of these done, so to commemorate
moving into the most pimp flat ever here’s some Noooz.

By the way, if you’ve tried buzzing my mobile over the last few weeks,
I apologise – it got stolen by a deceitfully clever thief while I was
checking a mate’s artwork out ( href="http://www.nostringscomic.com">www.nostringscomic.com – good
if you
like graffiti). I was promised a replacement chip last
week, but Vodafone has decided that since I don’t journalise as much as
I used to,
they’re going to constantly lie about when I’m going to get it and
disallow me to receive two/three weeks of calls from friends, family
and business contacts that only have that number for me. Thanks
Vodafone!

Otherwise, Dodgeball is a lot of fun, as is The Cooler (understated
William H Macy flick).

Enjoy

D
P.S. – FIFTY CENT GETS BOTTLED AT READING:

href="http://www.jonsmith.plus.com/fifty_cent_bottled_reading04.mpeg">http://www.jonsmith.plus.com/fifty_cent_bottled_reading04.mpeg

BECAUSE THIS NEEDS TO BE PIMPED:
SIN CITY TRAILERS
Bloody gorgeous.
href="http://panorama.pingouin.ca/videos/sincity.mp4">http://panorama.pingouin.ca/videos/sincity.mp4
href="http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2005/STUVWXYZ/SinCity/trailer.php">http://www.themoviebox.net/movies/2005/STUVWXYZ/SinCity/trailer.php
And here’s some stills

href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/2005/sincity.php">http://www.darkhorizons.com/2005/sincity.php

STRANGE THAT MS FUNDED SUDEKI (CRAP) OVER THIS…
I was fortunate enough to see Oddworld’s Stranger demo’d at EGN and was
pleasantly surprised.

Witnessing the game for the first time was akin to being paralysed,
while the world’s most amazing drugs were channeled into my body by way
of a steam-iron hitting me in the face at 90mph.

It’s like Oddworld said “what’s wrong with adventure games today?” and
fixed 80% of the issues in games that have pissed me off for the last
ten years. Far too many places just try to emulate the successful
without question nor understanding and either screw it up or end up
making something derivative/lame with the same problems as the game(s)
it copied.
Clearly these guys have the balls to question and that’s likely to be a
big part of why their games don’t suck.

I won’t go into too much detail, but here’s the stuff that really stuck
out for me:

Camera – No problems visible thus far.

World – Believable and *alive*. If you start beating up townspeople,
they get pissed off. Keep doing it and they start to fear you. Do it
enough and they’ll just run away whenever they see you. Doing this will
get you a reputation and if the next town have heard of you, they
immediately run into their houses and pepper the crap out of you with
machine guns! Townspeople are your info source throughout the game, so
beating them up will rob you valuable data. About bloody time!

Game Speak – One of the features that helped give Abe a rich character
has made it into Stranger. Pressing the speak button when in company
will make Stranger ask a question, whereas when alone, Stranger will
talk to himself and remind the player of his objective. I did hear a
fart but I’m not sure if Stranger or the Clakkers did it.

Ammo – You basically hunt in the environment for insects and various
creatures
to launch from your crossbow. You can upgrade the crossbow or even the
ammo with items you buy with money earned from successful bounties. The
ammo was very Unreal Tournament in feel and had plenty personality -
particularly the chip-punks.

Characters – Brilliant. Funny, instantly likable. Especially the
Clakkers.

Backtracking made fun – move in one direction long enough and Stranger
goes into ‘quadruped’ mode. This means he starts to move considerably
faster while accelerating, making his movement rather bike-like. You
can also ram into enemies like this and knock em out cold.

Story – Stranger is exactly that – a stranger. He’s uncertain of his
past and although the story begins as a Western, it becomes something
completely different, no doubt revolving around The Stranger’s journey
of self-discovery in an evolving setting. The CG teaser show to us at
EGN suggested that he has a darker nature with an image of the Stranger
(or a being of the same species) looking very devil-like with a rather
impressive set of horns. The quality of CG and brief glimpses of
dialogue would not look out of place in a high budget Dreamworks/Pixar
flick and I’m stunned that Oddworld has no current plans – as far as
I’m aware – to boost the release of the game with a high quality CG
feature. Doing this would not only likely be the first excellent
game-to-cinema feature, but it will also bring the attentions of people
to the kinds of game that we as geeks would proudly pimp as why we got
into the medium – Enter the Matrix and Catwoman just make us look like
twats.

Ah well. I did ask Lorne about when/if a CG piece was happening and the
jist of his answer was ‘eventually’.

Just to give you a further perspective on the quality of the game thus
far, I shall say this:
The only time I’ve ever been as buzzed about a game as much as this,
was when:
I first played Super Mario World
I saw the gameplay movies for Half Life 2

Make of that what you will.

EA would be wise to pimp the f*ck out of this. It has the potential to
be bollock-smashingly huge.
The trailer:
href="http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/012.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/012.asp
What Gamespot saw (almost identical to what I was shown):
href="http://www.gamespot.com/xbox/adventure/oddworldtentativetitle/preview_6102788.html">http://www.gamespot.com/xbox/adventure/oddworldtentativetitle/preview_6102788.html


SONY BUYS MGM
Looks like Gone with the Wind and James Bond could be UMD exclusives…

href="http://money.cnn.com/2004/09/13/news/fortune500/twx_mgm/index.htm">http://money.cnn.com/2004/09/13/news/fortune500/twx_mgm/index.htm

QUAKE 4
If it said Doom 3 – Modpack on the box, you’d believe it.
href="http://www.gengamers.com/html/quake_4.html">http://www.gengamers.com/html/quake_4.html
href="http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=18437">http://www.theinquirer.net/?article=18437

MIZUGUCHI TO UNVEIL NEW GAME AT TGS
Hmmm… what could it be…

href="http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/09/13/news_6107283.html">http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/09/13/news_6107283.html


A HORSE CALLED WANDA
NICO (ICO follow-up). It stars a horse (of course). It’s called ‘Wanda
and the Collosus’.
href="http://ps2.ign.com/articles/546/546753p1.html">http://ps2.ign.com/articles/546/546753p1.html

COUNTERSTRIKE SOURCE
Your complete guide to what’s new…
href="http://www.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=119103">http://www.steampowered.com/forums/showthread.php?threadid=119103

And here’s some more stuff on Half Life 2:
href="http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56583">http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56583

STAR WARS BATTLEFRONT VIDEO
64 players on LAN at once. I’ll believe it when I see it.
href="http://www.aussiexbox.com.au/media/EA/Imagine/Fanger_Hep_Battlefront.wmv">http://www.aussiexbox.com.au/media/EA/Imagine/Fanger_Hep_Battlefront.wmv
Rather amusing – a Star Wars Galaxies tech flips out!
http://www.leftcorner.com/swg/ff/ff6.htm

METROID PRIME 2: ECHOES SCREENS
An awesome game, sadly beginning to look dated. There is no doubt in my
mind however, that this will be as joyous to play as the previous.
href="http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/009.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/009.asp


METAL GEAR DOES GAY COMEDY
Awesomely funny if you like silly humour.
http://tinyurl.com/7y4uq

THE BIG GTA:SAN-ANDREAS BLOW OUT
VIDEOS! TRAILERS! STUFF TO READ!!!
href="http://games.kikizo.com/news/200408/028.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/news/200408/028.asp
href="http://fivestarstuff.com/list.htm">http://fivestarstuff.com/list.htm
Oh but look, it’s delayed by a week…
http://news.spong.com/x?art=7624

XBOX OUTRUN 2 TO FEATURE DAYTONA 2 AND SCUD RACE TRACKS

And here’s the screens to prove it!
href="http://news.spong.com/x?art=7595">http://news.spong.com/x?art=7595
And here’s some vids of Outrun2 on Xbox – needs Bit Torrent
download client:
href="http://www.xboxyde.com/leech_727_en.html">http://www.xboxyde.com/leech_727_en.html

AWESOME FABLE-FEATURE
Truly a fantastic and insightful video on what work went into the
creation of Fable.
href="http://games.kikizo.com/features/fable_vidint_feature.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/features/fable_vidint_feature.asp

SAY-GAAAAA
Kikizo bloody does it again and gets a video interview with Sega
WOW studios (wow!).
href="http://games.kikizo.com/features/sega_wow_interview_sep04.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/features/sega_wow_interview_sep04.asp


FOOTBALL MANAGER (THE GAME THAT USED TO BE CALLED CHAMPIONSHIP MANAGER)
LATEST DETAILS AND COMPETITION
I never understood this game till about a month ago when Miles Jacobson
demo’d it to a few of us in a tiny cinema in Scotland. The ‘media’
feature looked quite fun, though I’d hope some Modders add a ‘Viz’
media plug-in so we can get some rude/funny headlines.
http://www.sigames.com/
Meanwhile, get your face in the game – I’m sure SI Games doesn’t

want you to send in images from Uglypeople.com…
href="http://www.sigames.com/faceinthegame">www.sigames.com/faceinthegame

SPECTOR’S NOT LEAVING, CARMACK NOT RETIRING, XBOX 2 CONCEPT ART IS
LIES
Gamespot controls some rumours.
href="http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/09/11/news_6107204.html">http://www.gamespot.com/news/2004/09/11/news_6107204.html

EA LETS YOU BEAT THE CRAP OUT OF ANNOYING RAPPERS!

Def Jam: Vendetta 2. Sadly not featuring Tu-Pac or Biggie Smalls*.
Frankly, I cannot wait to pick Henry Rollins and plough through all
those bling bling twats.
http://www.defjamfight4ny.com
*’Sadly’ because I’d love to beat the crap out of the pair o’ them.

SEGA CONFIRMS MONKEY BALLS FOR PS2 AND XBOX
Monkey Ball Deluxe; a blend of the two Gamecube installments to
prepare the masses for all-formats third episode.
href="http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56585">http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56585

This gets a big fat ‘meh’.
href="http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/013.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/news/200409/013.asp

GEORGE BRUSSARD
Does *he* even exist? More Duke Nukem For-never lunacy. It’ll be out
before PS3 – honest guv.
href="http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56569">http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56569

SILENT HILL 4 BOYS JUST CAN’T SHUT UP
Interview herein:

href="http://games.kikizo.com/features/konami_interview_sep04.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/features/konami_interview_sep04.asp

SNK INTERVIEW: 3D METAL SLUG TO BE SHOWN AT TGS
Along with KOF ’94 remake. When the hell are we going to get a KOF
compilation a’la Mortal Kombat Ultimate or Hyper Street Fighter, or
even a Samurai Shodown 1-3 compilation. Come on Shinya I know you’re
reading this…
href="http://games.kikizo.com/features/snk_interview_sep04.asp">http://games.kikizo.com/features/snk_interview_sep04.asp

SONIC TEAM’S WEIRD NEW GAME…
‘I would die for you apparently’. Sod knows what the hell it is.
Looks like a Wario Ware-a-like rip off with different visual stylings.
href="http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6355.jpg">http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6355.jpg

href="http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6356.jpg">http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6356.jpg
href="http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6357.jpg">http://ranobe.com/up/updata/up6357.jpg
Official Site:
http://kimishine.sega.jp/
More screens:
http://sega.jp/ds/kimisine/home.html

NEO GEO COLLISEUM
Like King of Fighters, only with a more diverse range of game
characters from a more diverse range of games – Metal Slug, Samurai
Shodown, Aggressors of Dark Combat, World Heroes, etc…

Yes it’s a fighting game.
http://www.snkplaymore.jp/official/nbc/

OLD NOOOZ: HALF LIFE POST MORTEM
Some classic ‘here’s where we did good, here’s where we screwed it up’
article on Valve’s first-born…
href="http://www.gamasutra.com/features/19991210/birdwell_pfv.htm">http://www.gamasutra.com/features/19991210/birdwell_pfv.htm


FAN-MADE ZELDA MMORPG

Needs Bit Torrent to download and a PC to play it on.
http://66.90.75.92/suprnova//torrents/2596/graal-zip.torrent

CHRONO TRIGGER FAN-MADE SEQUEL CEASED
A shame – though understandable from a legal perspective – it looks
very professional considering it was a fan job.
href="http://www.opcoder.com/projects/chrono/">http://www.opcoder.com/projects/chrono/

FROM THE BOYS WHO BROUGHT YOU MARIO PAC
Some other games, the names of which escape me at this present
point in time.

href="http://www.hermitgames.com/games.php">http://www.hermitgames.com/games.php

DOWNLOAD AMERICAN MCGEE’S SCRAPLAND DEMO
Described as a cross between GTA and Metal Gear Solid.
href="http://www.gamershell.com/download_6972.shtml">http://www.gamershell.com/download_6972.shtml

FILM -
REVIEW:

ALIEN VS PREDATOR REVIEW – MASSIVE SPOILERS WITHIN
Just got back from seeing AVP.  I know all my friends think it is
a
soulless travesty. The consensus seems to be that if Alien 3 & 4
were akin to a fat man pissing in your mouth, AVP is about squeezing
the last few drops in your eye.

I actually think people are getting it
all wrong. It’s not meant to be scary or exciting. It’s meant to be a
comedy! And it in that respect it’s one of the best movies of the
summer! It’s at the top of the parody genre, in the same league as
Naked Gun and Airplane. It honestly feels like someone gave Saturday
Night Live a big budget to do an hour and a half long AVP sketch. I
mean, why else would you take a series of six R-Rated movies, put them
together and make a PG-13?
 
Physics, time, gravity and creature abilities fluctuate so erratically
from scene to scene that it is truly laugh out loud funny. The
characters speak in nothing but clichés. The performances are so
wooden
it must have taken Paul Anderson dozens of takes to get any
professional actor to appear that unconvincing.  A pyramid that
changes
shape every ten minutes? Of course! Predators that ‘left’ their guns in
the pyramid a hundred years ago?! Pure comedy gold!

There’s one scene
where – I swear to God – a human is an inch away from making out with a
Predator before an Alien jumps in and spoils the inter-species
nookie. 
And as for the big reveal – human civilization is based on us
worshiping the Predators? Awesome! I honestly couldn’t of thought up
something that stupid in my wildest dreams! I particularly liked the
‘Bruckheimer/Con Air’ style shot of the Predator and human running side
by side away from the explosion in dramatic slow motion! Oh and the bit
where the Predator spins the blatantly-guy-in-a-suit-Alien around by
his feet WWE style and then DDTs him! Legend! The only thing really
missing for me was at the end when the Predator takes off its mask I
was expecting Will Ferrell. I guess you can’t have it all.
Thanks to Mr Jevons for the review.

NEWS:

THE ROCK: STARRING IN SPY HUNTER, DOOM AND FAR CRY FILMS
Well done that man.
href="http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0425005/">http://www.imdb.com/name/nm0425005/
href="http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56588">http://eurogamer.net/article.php?article_id=56588

RESIDENT EVIL 3 AND PAUL W.S. ANDERSON
Living testament that you don’t need talent as a director to be a
successful one.
href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6360">http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6360

BROSNAN COULD STILL BE BOND
He hasn’t announced he’s leaving…
href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6342">http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6342
Though the tabloids have reported a new face has been signed… and
his name is Dougray
href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911g.php">http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911g.php

STAR WARS EPISODE 7-9 GOSSIP FUELED FURTHER
By none other than Mr Hamil himself.

href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=6318">http://www.comingsoon.net/news/topnews.php?id=6318
Though Lucas himself confirms it’s not happening – just like he did
with the prequels… oh.
href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911a.php">http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911a.php
Meanwhile, here’s a Star Wars rap with added Flash anims color="black" face="Times New Roman" size="3"> style="font-size: 12pt; color: black;">  color="black">

http://tinyurl.com/3sjqz

SPIELBERG’S WAR OF THE WORLDS
Known from this day forth as… Out of the Night?!?!?!

href="http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911b.php">http://www.darkhorizons.com/news04/040911b.php
color="black" size="2"> style="font-size: 10pt; font-family: Arial; color: black;">

JIM CAMERON’S NEXT
Sounds like an Abyss revisit.
href="http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=18355">http://www.aintitcoolnews.com/display.cgi?id=18355


GOOD NIGHT
M Night Overatedshymalanagangbang is to change artistic direction. So
no more films with amazing build up and crappy endings then.
href="http://movies.kikizo.com/news/200409/005.asp">http://movies.kikizo.com/news/200409/005.asp

FIRST FILM TO USE ‘CHOAD’ IN THE TITLE
Gets my vote anyway.
href="http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6352">http://www.comingsoon.net/news.php?id=6352


HIDDEN CINEMA CLUB FOUND IN PARIS CATACOMBS!
So that’s who all those skulls belong to…
href="http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1299444,00.html">http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,1299444,00.html

KUNG FU HUSTLE
Awesome. Stephen Chow – Shaolin Soccer’s dad – is behind this comedy-fu
caper.
http://www.kungfuhustle.com

HERO
Not that bloody Enrique song thankfully, but Jet Li’s new flick
currently out in the U.S.
href="http://www.hero-movie.jp/trailers/">http://www.hero-movie.jp/trailers/

STEAMBOY!
Not gay porn, but awesome anime: href="http://www.apple.com/jp/quicktime/trailers/toho/steamboy_large.html">
http://www.apple.com/jp/quicktime/trailers/toho/steamboy_large.html

RANDOM -

NEW PRODIGY ALBUM FULLY REMIXED AND FREELY DOWNLOADABLE
Great album remixed with impressive skill.
href="http://www.prodigyremixed.com/tracklist.html">http://www.prodigyremixed.com/tracklist.html

THE A-TEAM CLEARED OF CHARGES!
A beautiful day.
href="http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4032&n=1">http://www.theonion.com/news/index.php?issue=4032&n=1

WHY LESBIAN XENA KISS WAS BEST AND WORST THING TO HAPPEN TO THE SHOW

According to some studious university types.
href="http://www.whoosh.org/issue87/fisher3.html">http://www.whoosh.org/issue87/fisher3.html

BLAIR WITCH REALITY?
Camera found in woods with spooky pics.
href="http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showtopic=144008&st=0">http://www.gtaforums.com/index.php?showtopic=144008&st=0

DUBYA
Twat.
href="http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1525">http://www.kontraband.com/show/show.asp?ID=1525

Meanwhile, here’s a few scary coincidences:
Uncanny Presidential Similarities

Abraham Lincoln was elected to
Congress in 1846.
John F. Kennedy was elected to
Congress in 1946.

Abraham Lincoln was elected
President in 1860.
John F. Kennedy was elected
President in 1960.

Both were particularly concerned
with civil rights.
Both wives lost their children
while living in the White House.

Both Presidents were shot in a
Friday.
Both Presidents were shot in the
head.

Lincoln’s secretary was named
Kennedy.
Kennedy’s secretary was named
Lincoln.

Both were assassinated by
Southerners.
Both were succeeded by
Southerners named Johnson.

Andrew Johnson, who succeeded
Lincoln, was born in 1808.
Lyndon B. Johnson, who succeeded
Kennedy, was born in 1908.

John Wilkes Booth, who
assassinated Lincoln, was born in 1839.
Lee Harvey Oswald, who
assassinated Kennedy, was born in 1939.

Both assassins were known by
their three names.
Both names are composed of
fifteen letters.

Lincoln was shot at the theater
named ‘Ford’.
Kennedy was shot in a car called
‘Lincoln’ made by ‘Ford’.

Booth and Oswald were
assassinated before their trials.

A week before Lincoln was shot,
he was in Monroe, Maryland.
A week before Kennedy was shot,
he was with Marilyn Monroe.

Presidents elected in a year
ending with a “0″ (every 20 years):
1840: William Henry Harrison
(died in office)
1860: Abraham Lincoln
(assassinated)
1880: James A. Garfield
(assassinated)

1900: William McKinley
(assassinated)
1920: Warren G. Harding (died
in office)
1940: Franklin D. Roosevelt
(died in office)
1960: John F. Kennedy
(assassinated)
1980: Ronald Reagan (survived
assassination attempt)

2000: George W. Bush (still OK)

AND IF THAT DIDN’T FREAK YOU OUT…
Conspiracy…
href="http://www.freedomunderground.org/memoryhole/pentagon121.swf">http://www.freedomunderground.org/memoryhole/pentagon121.swf

SCIENCE -
WHOA

Picture of a sudden moment in space
href="http://science.box.sk/uploads/orig00000626.jpg">http://science.box.sk/uploads/orig00000626.jpg

CHIMP TAKES UP SMOKING
Evolution = true?
href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3611666.stm">http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/asia-pacific/3611666.stm

MAGNETS TO CURE CANCER
Tis always the simple things…

href="http://science.box.sk/smsread.php?newsid=5743">http://science.box.sk/smsread.php?newsid=5743

TELEPORTATION!
Whoosh!
href="http://science.box.sk/newsread.php?newsid=5638">http://science.box.sk/newsread.php?newsid=5638

SATURN SHOWS OFF NEW RING
I wonder who was counting them?
href="http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996382">http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996382

SERBIA REVERSES BAN ON DARWINISM
Darwin awards winners emails from 1997 and upward finally
circulated among Serbians.
href="http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3642460.stm">http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/europe/3642460.stm

HUBBLE PEERS INSIDE A CELESTIAL GEODE
Like looking through a keyhole… in space…
href="http://hubblesite.org/newscenter/newsdesk/archive/releases/2004/26/">http://hubblesite.org/newscenter/newsdesk/archive/releases/2004/26/

WEED HELPS MS
Not Microsoft, but the muscle disease. I’m sure Amsterdam’s favourite
helped the developers of Windows Media Player…
href="http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996387">http://www.newscientist.com/news/news.jsp?id=ns99996387

<extra>

If you’ve been forwarded this and want a copy the same time as everyone
else, drop a line to href="mailto:mail@noooz.com">mail@noooz.com to be added to the
list.

<fin>